Pink biscuits

Figures from the Met Office make Swansea the wettest city in Britain.

The secret work of the gray men and women of the council, behind the scenes, is often criticised by the public who often see only the bad and do not realise the long term benefit to the community. All they see is the failure of councils to do the basics. Passing  a pedestrianising plan without a drainage system for the wettest city in Britan may seem gross stupidity-but if you look behind the pools of water that adorn the city in gay abandon, you will realise the opportunity that is being created for an ecological master stroke in enticing herds of migrating wildebeast to visit the pools in their dry season.  Also a council spokesperson has revealed that they are in discussion with R.S.P.B. about the feasibility study to provide nesting boxes for Canada geese at locations around the city. This in itself will help tourism with people from around the world congregating to marvel at the sight. The business community will also benefit by the increased amount of bird seed being purchased. This breakthrough in forward planning and job prospects marks this council as a progressive innovative leader in the field of employment provision.

I told you to bring wellies!

photo by: Grandia

Another initiative that has gone unnoticed by the public is the work done by the crisis and emergency arm of the council and the tsunami response unit, this élite band of councillors who have been trained to perfection and with the swift responses of a test cricketer they will form a human barrier of flab and stop the tidal barrage. Showing Canute like diligence, as one expert predicted, with their interlocking body parts it would be easier to get them out of a cake shop! The secret to their success is to utilise their strengths and combat their defects. At first they tried rolling them into position but they got bogged down in the soft sand. The solution was to choreograph a set of steps to music and with handlers throwing pink biscuits and cattle goads arrange the councillors into the required formation thus the barrier will be formed and the people saved. With all emergency services there will sadly be some fatalities but hopefully as few as possible and those that do perish will be given a burial at sea and hopeful the survivor’s will dig the grave .  

International links

The City & County of Swansea is twinned with:

• Mannheim, Germany
• Pau, France
• Cork, Republic of Ireland

Connections with:

• Ferrara, Italy
• Århus, Denmark

Friendship link with:

• Nantong, People’s Republic of China
• New York City, USA
• The Hague, Netherlands
•  And a suicide pact  with Hellman’s provence

   

Forward Planning

 Councils outlined the ways obesity is affecting public services:

The cost to social services of caring for house-bound people suffering from illnesses that are the consequence of obesity, including arthritis, heart disease and diabetes

• Furniture in school classes, gyms and canteens having to be made wider for larger children
• Crematoria furnaces having to be widened
• Fire services being called in to winch obese members of the public out of dangerous buildings in emergencies such as fires
• B B C  source reveal second biggest killer

The latest Goverment  report held bad news for councilors with the City& County of Swansea

They have made great sacrifices over the years by putting aside the reasons why they were elected and basically looking after “number one”. But now is the time for the people to return the favour and insist the Government’s latest health initiative on obesity be followed. To help I recommend that all personel are given medical examinations to check for obesity and be given help to combat it, but councilors who are above retirement age  should be removed on health grounds, as it is unfair for the public to expect a councillor to endanger their lives in our service. To help I suggest we stop all subsidies on  meals and drinks and have regular weight checks on council employees who are medically obese. And all employers who make no attempt to follow medical advice will be deemed unfit for purpose and to have made themselves  redundant.This may seem harsh but if one uses the  smoking ban as a bench mark and the loss of jobs businesses closing and change to the structure of social life the insistence that a employer of the community should be fit for purpose is a small price to pay. I hope the councilors show the same drive and enthusiasm for the obesity drive as they did for the smoking ban.

`Hello world!

This is the first blog from the newly  appointed Philosopher poet and hereditary shaman Honest DES. The  timing  could  not have been better and it is with great joy I  announce that the council has beaten off stiff competition from around the world to win the AL QAEADA award for  creating most destructive infrastructure of a city without the use of explosives.The incompetence, stupidity, corruption and greed that has long been a byword for the  council have not gone unnoticed with admiring glances from most terrorist organisations, who only wish they could inflict as much mayhem under the banner of progress and investment